Being on the same page as your partner can solve a lot of things. Chores are shared equally, picking a movie takes like five seconds, and your s*x life is on fleek. But we’re going to go ahead and guess that you and your S.O. don’t agree on literally everything. And when you disagree about how much s*x is enough, that can be a big problem.

Though you’re on your own when it comes to deciding between The Queen and OA, we’ve asked experts to explain why syncing up your s*x life can be tough and how to fix that.

THE PROBLEM: YOU WANT S*X MORE OFTEN

Men greatly underestimate their partners’ s*x drives, found a recent study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It also showed that if men thought their partners weren’t up for doing it, they wouldn’t attempt to initiate.

Shocker: Women do want s*x! But we’re typically not as free with s*xual expression, so men don’t pick up on our cues.

SYNC UP: You’ve gotta tell your guy directly you want to get busy. Feel awkward? Bring it up in a setting that makes sense—say, while watching a romantic movie. “The language we use to talk about s*x can be s*xy in itself,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and s*xuality counselor in New York City, so phrase it like a fantasy. (“I love morning s*x with you. It would be so hot if we could do more of that.”) If it’s still not happening, make an emotional case, says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a New York City s*x and relationships expert. Explain what it means to you (e.g., you feel closer to him) so he knows it’s important to you and your bond.

THE PROBLEM: HE WANTS S*X MORE OFTEN

Men’s higher libidos are hardwired (more testosterone) and socially ingrained (they’re taught to pursue s*x), says Fleming. Another perk: It’s physiologically easier for them to get aroused spontaneously. All they need are simple signs, like seeing you step out of the shower, and—boom.

SYNC UP: You don’t have to satisfy every hard-on, but don’t belittle his requests either. Rejections like “Jeez, you’re always so damn horny” will build up over time. “The higher-desire partner’s s*xual frustration can leave them feeling hurt, while the lower-desire partner feels pressured,” says Kerner.

The solution: Compromise on how often you want to do it, and schedule your romps. He’ll know you value s*x with him, and seeing Thursday’s 8 p.m. “;)” in your cal will put you in a s*xy mindset to prep for the deed.

 

Source http://www.explorerscode.com

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