We’re always hearing that we could be having better s*x, a better orgas@m, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a s*x therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, s*xual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your s*x and relationship inquiries to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Now, onto this week’s topic: the best s*x positions for s*x with another couple.
Q: “My partner and I have been talking about having s*x with another couple. (Just FYI — we’ve had many discussions about it and have already sorted out conversations about boundaries, so we’re good on that front.) We’ve met another couple, and have had all of the introductory conversations about safety and what we are and aren’t looking for. Now I’m wondering the s*x position logistics. We’re two male-female couples. We’ll be having s*x with our own partners, and the opposite-s*x partner of the other couple. The girls are interested in playing with each other a bit (kissing, touching), but no actual s*x. What are the best positions for us to try out, both for foreplay and for s*x?“
A: Thanks for the question! Sounds like you, your partner, and the other couple have put a lot of effort into responsibly setting up your group s*x experience, which I really commend you for! All that hard work is going to make it much more likely that you have a super hot night. Here are eight recommendations for the best couple-on-couple s*x positions.
(An important note: Given your question, I'm mostly focusing here on MFFM s*x positions, but stay tuned for queer group s*x ideas — though many of these could still apply to any gender combination, given the right props.)
1. The Performance
How To Do It: This isn’t a position as much as another suggestion for how to get things going. Have one couple start having s*x, in whatever position they please. The second couple gets to sit back and watch the first couple put on a show.
Why It Works: This is a great suggestion if there’s one couple that is feeling a little more nervous or shy than the other. To play up the exhibitionism of this idea, the first couple can try s*x positions that really show off what’s happening, like Doggystyle or Cowgirl. Be slow and exaggerated in your movements so the audience can see every little detail.
2. Group-S*x-For-Beginners
How To Do It: For something relatively straightforward at the beginning, you can start off with both couples in Missionary position (the women on their backs on the bed, with the men on top in between the ladies’ legs).
Why It Works: You might have a lot of other emotions running through your head during your first group s*x experience, so you might enjoy keeping it simple to begin with. For the very beginning of the evening, you can make out, grope each other, or grind in this position. If the couples are positioned close enough to each other, you can start to reach out and caress the other couple. This position also works well whenever you transition to intercourse.
3. The Mirrored Spoon
How To Do It: This is another great position for everyone to get started in. The two ladies lay on their sides, facing each other. Their male partners lie on their sides. They’ll each be behind their respective ladies, acting as the big spoon. Together, all the couples will form a MFFM sandwich. Each couple will be facing the same direction, but one couple will be facing the left and the other couple will be facing the right.
Why It Works: This is another very adaptable position. The couples can start off caressing and grinding up against each other. The men can pay particular attention to their ladies backs, necks, and ears. As things start heating up, the ladies can start playing with each other as well. You’ll also be close enough for the men to reach out and caress the other woman. This position also works for intercourse.
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